I can’t wait for college. I can’t wait to be in my English major even though freshman year is just cores. I can’t wait for my life to be filled with writing and poetry and English and JUST THAT. My creativity is leaving me in a way. I feel so dull and unimaginative all of the time. I feel like God is trying to take me out of my creativity and put me somewhere else because it’s all about me. I don’t want to be taken out. This is the hardest transition ever. Not going from high school into college; I’m not even there yet. But going from being totally creative to thinking of majoring in business. I hate everything to do with business. Why do I want to major in business?! Going from logical to practical. I am not a practical person, I never have been. Why am I changing like this? I don’t want to. Please God leave me where I’m at… I’m not ready for this.
It makes me so mad how flamboyant cutting is in our society. You all are so beautiful in every way and if any kind of voice in your mind tells you to do it, it’s not of God. You are stronger than your mind. You are stronger than any negative thought that comes your way. Through God’s strength, you can conquer anything! You were made for a purpose wilder than any of your dreams. You can get through this. When all of your hope seems lost, God will come through for you.
Hey little blue bird on my head
Watching the world play dead
Do you know how it feels to see
Lovers and brothers cursing at me
And society thinks people like Edgar Allen Poe and Emily Dickinson are horrible, morbid writers. Well I found a new one: Susan Collins. I’ve never read such a deranged series as the Hunger Games. I am going to have nightmares. And I still never fell in love with Peeta.
So high school is almost over. And I don’t really know what to do with myself. I feel like all my confidence in what I wanted to do is gone. Maybe this is to keep me open minded? I sure hope so.
I’ve found a new obsession with France and horses. And it’s not cliche. I’ve just been so fascinated by these two. I hope to study in France someday. Of course, Paris to be specific.
